It would appear that the democratic party is not to be
outdone by the oppositional circus that is the GOP. In a candidacy that had
previously been unmarred by scandal (because it’s not even official yet),
Hilary Clinton appears to have hit a snag. We’re not referring to the fact that
she used her personal e-mail for government business (we’re all fine with
that), the real issue is what she was using her e-mail for…
“It’s not even fun when she plays. She just takes and takes,
with no remorse. That’s not the kind of politician I want running this country.” LivesAtHome444
isn’t the only one who has raised issues with Clinton’s clash of clan’s
tactics.
Rush Limbaugh said, “It is completely unreasonable. We had
an alliance for seven days and on the eight she burnt my entire village to the
ground. Leave it to a woman…” Unfortunately Mr. Limbaugh’s comments had to be
cut out for brevity (and decency), but a full report can be found on our
archives page (we don’t have one, it’s just a black hole guarded by a wampa ice
beast, so good fucking luck). |
| I'd vote for her... My crops need saving. |
Clinton has refused to comment on the speculation that she
is in fact ScorchedEarth69, but a
group of barbarians has martialed outside the capital office where the leak
came from. In other completely unrelated news, Vladmir Putin has sent an
internet proposal, claiming “Her destruction is the single bastion of beauty
left in this world.” While creepy, I wouldn’t rule it out entirely, as an
international wedding to seal the peace treaty between the US and Russia might
be just medieval enough to work…
We’ll have more on this bullshit as it continues to stay
relevant for some reason…
--Ashton Macaulay, Senior Political Correspondent, DontHurtMeHilary99, and Herder of Goats
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