June 4, 2015
SEATTLE, WA, LIBERAL SAFEHAVEN
|Non-threatening High-school photo to lure in unsuspecting viewers...|
A school in Seattle Washington is in hot water today after a teacher has been accused of incorporating religious ideals into a biology class. The discovery came after first grader Jaden Miller (fake name, because he’s a child, you animals), came home with a ‘science project’ assigned to him by the school. The teacher asked Jaden to care for and study a praying mantis for a week, and write up a report to share with the class. Understandably his mother was outraged, and immediately found a way to sue the school system which just has too much money to begin with (all those bribes from the church keeping the cats fat).
|Pope Mantis III, 2020, 5 years after mantis uprising|
“I was just shocked that they would do this. Keep it in church, you insectoid bastards!” It is worth noting that ‘insectoid’ is not the proper term for referring to a praying mantis, or any insect for that matter, but Mrs. Miller dropped biology in high school claiming secular exemption.
|Jesus of Mantisereth, 2050, 20 years after The Great Mantis Nuclear War|
The school responded quickly by creating a rigorous training program for faculty and all insects on campus to ensure separation of church from the learning environment. All mantises now have their hands bound in a ‘high five’ gesture which has no religious affiliation and is less austere when compared to their traditional pose of prayer.
|A mantis blends in, 5 years before mantis uprising.|
More on this as it develops.
--Ashton Macaulay, Mantis in Human Clothing, No I’m not, Sure You Aren’t Flesh-Bag