January 15, 2015. LOS ANGELES, CA
A murmur of despair escaped the gold encrusted lips of the Hollywood
elite today as yet another deserving film was deemed unworthy by the Academy of
Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. While most of the nominations were
unsurprising(Civil Rights Movie, Mental
Disorder the Movie, and Movie That Won’t Win, but Good Try!), one of the
year’s most beloved films was left off of the prestigious list of Oscar
contenders. I’m speaking of course about the thought-provoking, environmental
thriller Sharknado 2: The Second One.
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| "Best Picture" - Pattison's Choice Award Winner 2014 |
While the Academy does have a history of pillaging
creativity judgmentally from their high horses, Sharknado’s snub was nothing
short of a George R.R. Martin-esque wedding. For those who are unfamiliar, Sharknado 2: The Second One examines the
consequences of our destructive environmental practices on society. It shines a
light on the very real and often ignored possibility of a shark-filled super
hurricane descending on New York. Both educational and realistic, Sharknado will clearly remain the people’s
choice for 2014’s best picture, best director, best visual effects, as well as
the other less-important categories (talking to you short-form documentaries).
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| "I have no idea what's going on, but I'm angry!" |
Many actors and actresses (Gary Busey) have already begun to
boycott this year’s award show in a public display of solidarity. The Pattison
will be passive-aggressively ignoring the event as well and instead will try to
focus on the more important things (having a life, eating food, watching sharks
get torn apart in stunning HD on Bluray). Stay strong Sharknado, stay strong…
--Ashton Macaulay, Movie Correspondent, Intern in the 4th
Degree
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