Tuesday, September 8, 2015

City of Seattle Funds Psychiatric Volcanology

September 8th, 2015 SEATTLE, WA

Seattle, city of rain, passive-aggressive homeless, and of course, a massive volcano waiting to kill us all. For anyone who has not read our article on volcano awareness, allow me to give you a quick recap: When Mount Rainer finally decides it’s had enough, we’re all done for. Luckily, the Seattle City Council has opted to do something about it, because for obvious reasons, volcanoes are the city’s number one concern.

Beginning fall 2016, Seattle will start providing research grants for PhD students willing to study Psychiatric Volcanology. “It’s clear now that our neighbor Mount Rainier is emotionally unstable, and the fact of the matter is that our geologists can’t do anything about it. They can predict when it might blow, and develop evacuation plans, but we need to stop this at the source,” said Seattle mayor Ed Murray.

Psychiatric Volcanologists will focus on the emotional states of past volcanoes, examining modern day case studies like the Bi-Polar Kilauea, all the way to Manic Depressive Pompeii. Through examination of the past, it is hoped that scientists will be able further identify risk factors for the mountains in the Pacific North West, as well as treatment plans to help keep them stable. University of Washington has already announced its support for the plan, stating that they have begun immediate construction on a combined geology and psychology department science center, slated to begin accepting students next fall.

Still from the Pixar Documentary Lava(2015)

The whole plan will cost Seattle tax-payers a paltry $150 million dollars over the next four years. We here at The Pattison Chronicle are happy to finally see the government take action on the important issues, and will gladly be contributing to the cause. What do you think of the new program? Will you become one of the first Volcanic Psychologists? Tell us on Facebook and Twitter, and don’t forget to subscribe! 

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