Thursday, August 13, 2015

Is your child on drugs or an alien?

Have you been noticing something different about your teen as of late? Are they exhibiting mood swings, irrational behavior, and/or changing in appearance? Some so called ‘experts’ might try and tell you that this is a normal part of development, but the reality is far more dramatic. Here at The Pattison Chronicle we employ a talented team of parenting scientists (they don’t pay me, and I have no training), and they tell us that all of these symptoms point to one of two issues: Hard Drugs or Alien Abduction/Probing. We’ve created an easy to follow guide to help tell what’s wrong with your teen, because there’s not a chance in hell that it’s normal development.

I hope that this guide has helped you identify the problems that your teen is facing. Rather than providing advice or helpful tips on how to deal with these issues, we’ll leave you with this message: PANIC! Clearly, your child is messed up, and no one else is having the same problems.

For more helpful tips, political guides, and general nonsense, subscribe to The Pattison Chronicle. Follow us on

No comments:

Post a Comment