Can You Tell the Difference Between a Millennial and a Cat?

I’ve been reading a lot of articles lately talking about the Millennial working population, or lack thereof. The gist is that Millennials don’t want to work hard, but still want to have shit loads of cash just thrown at them (so far this is all true, let’s break with reality). Throughout these readings, a singular thought occurred to me: “When behind a black curtain, could I tell the difference between a Millennial and a cat?”  The result has led me to the following quiz. Please take it, and post your amount of correct answers on social media and in the comments below. I will legitimately make this into a graph.

Yes Toby, we understand that you need sleep, but The Pattison Chronicle does not tolerate failure. 

MILLENNIAL

Rhapsody contributes nothing to society other than the occasional hairball...

CAT

 Honestly I've experienced this one from both...

MILLENNICAT

Professional development requires opposable thumbs.

MILLENNIAL

Remember to post your results and share this quiz with your friends. Maybe we could pay Millennials in wet food?

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Is your child on drugs or an alien?

Have you been noticing something different about your teen as of late? Are they exhibiting mood swings, irrational behavior, and/or changing in appearance? Some so called ‘experts’ might try and tell you that this is a normal part of development, but the reality is far more dramatic. Here at The Pattison Chronicle we employ a talented team of parenting scientists (they don’t pay me, and I have no training), and they tell us that all of these symptoms point to one of two issues: Hard Drugs or Alien Abduction/Probing. We’ve created an easy to follow guide to help tell what’s wrong with your teen, because there’s not a chance in hell that it’s normal development.

I hope that this guide has helped you identify the problems that your teen is facing. Rather than providing advice or helpful tips on how to deal with these issues, we’ll leave you with this message: PANIC! Clearly, your child is messed up, and no one else is having the same problems.

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