Sunday, January 10, 2016

Viking Field Goal Hampered by Divine Intervention

January 11th 2016

For many Minnesota fans, Sunday’s game was a disappointment, as their playoff hopes died with an ill-fated field goal attempt. Most were quick to disown Blair Walsh and blame his inadequacy (until next year’s pre-season), but some have speculated that there may have been another reason for his missed attempt. Mainly, the blame has begun to fall on the vengeful wrath of ancient Viking gods who have been offended by Minnesota’s mascot.

The Minnesota Vikings have used caricatures of Norse gods for their mascot since the early 1960s, and it appears that it is finally catching up with them. Professors of mythology from all over the globe have begun to speculate that there might have been some divine interference during the game. “If you look at the moment the kick veers off course, you can very clearly see Thor’s hammer flying in from the west,” said Dr. Obfu Scate. He suspects that the Norse gods finally grew tired of being a mockery and took matters into their own hands.

Meteorologists have also been unable to explain the extreme cold experienced during the game, which is unusual for Wisconsin’s normally balmy climate. While some initially interpreted this as the gods being on Minnesota’s side, it is clear now that it was the opposite.

The Seattle Seahawks were seen training with several ornithologists for their next game, but have declined to acknowledge their fear of potential mascot interference. More on this story after next week’s game.

--Ashton Macaulay, Junior Ornithologist, Football Spectator, Television Set Combatant

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