May 19, 2015 LAS VEGAS, NV
Las Vegas, the city of corrupt executives, legal
prostitution, and graveyard for music careers. Oh wait, and gambling, yes lots
of gambling. Some casinos on the North Strip make over 72 million dollars a
year in table-gaming revenue (that’s your fun fact for the day, brought to you
by Wheaties and Wikipedia). However, the powers at be (old white men who enjoy
living in towers made of endangered elephant tusk [ivory]) are unsatisfied with
this gaming revenue, saying “at least a third of the debts owed to the casinos
go unpaid.” Under usual circumstances, this business is left to shady men in
nice suits with large guns, but the gaming commission has just proposed a new
set of laws to recoup their losses.
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| Thanks for Imagine Dragons, take the rest back.... |
Beginning in 2016 The Strip wants to begin accepting human
organs to mitigate outstanding debts owed to the casinos. A casino owner had
the following to say: “Illegal organ trafficking generates between 600 million
and 1.2 billion dollars a year worldwide.” The large range is due to some years
where bear attacks are more frequent, leaving less usable organs for the
traffickers. “By making the industry legal we hope to recoup our losses, and
sustain the quickly dying casino industry.” By quickly dying, he meant rapidly
expanding. The gaming commission plans to use the profits to book David
Copperfield to perform in every major hotel simultaneously (through The
Prestige style cloning or some other expensive bullshit).
What do you think about the new direction Las Vegas is
taking? Sound off in the comments, or remain resolutely silent with passive aggressive
Facebook likes. That’s fine too… still helps the ego.
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