Monday, February 9, 2015

Universal Rebooting Harry Potter Series

February 9th, 2015 HOLLYWOOD, CA
Today Universal made what will no doubt become one of their most controversial announcements today; they are rebooting the beloved Harry Potter series to better appeal to young audiences. “Young audiences don’t want the old Harry Potter anymore; the special effects have become outdated and campy. What new fans want to see is a grittier, more realistic Harry Potter…”

While the VP of Universal couldn’t discuss many of the changes, they did tease some of the major changes coming to the Potter Universe. First, the series will no longer feature magic, saying that the concept was both unrealistic and passé. This move allows them to reach a broader (more fundamentally religious) population. “Rather than a school for magic, Hogwarts is going to be a school for martial arts and business management training…”

Second, there’s going to be a lot more passion, death, and sex. “While we don’t want Harry Potter to be a ‘blood orgy’ like Game of Thrones…” An apparently popular TV series (I’ve never heard of it) “We do want to embrace some of the more mature themes in the universe.” The VP said further that we can expect the death of Harry’s parents to feel more like a ‘gangland assassination’ as opposed to the whimsical magic murder currently portrayed.

One thing is for sure, we’re all still going to see it. Do you like the changes? Is it too much? Sound off in the comments on Twitter with the hashtag #PotterGate!

--Ashton Macaulay, Movie Correspondent, and Ex-Aspiring Wizard

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