Dying Light Verdict

Dying Light, Final Day

They mostly come at night...

I am happy to report that I have already beaten the Dying Light campaign. However, I am sad to report that it was a poorly written train wreck that was entirely too short. If you’ll recall at the end of Day 2 I was going for a walk as the reefers were going to be asleep in their opium dens for the night. The evening had the perfect makings for a nice stroll, but the second the sun touched the horizon SHIT GOT REAL.

That machete is bloody from all of the educating I had to do...

I was not aware that the particular strain of Marijuana plaguing this small African nation was Midnight Flower. This ultra-rare strain of the cannabis plant was most notably recognized in the documentary Night of the Living Dead (Romero, 1968). It causes violent behavior in those who smoke it which manifests during the day, but in a more extreme fashion at night. When I stepped out for my evening stroll all hell broke loose.

First of all, it was dark, so dark that screenshots became but a bitter memory. I have included one shot of how dark it is, but I’ll be using my B-roll for the rest. I was only outside for five minutes when I was set upon by a junkie covered in boils and sores. He promptly ripped my face off and turned my body into a fine, red mist, after which I was given the following screen.

I can only assume that there is nothing past this rather lackluster, albeit surprise ending. So in the end, I have some judgments to make…

Dying Light Verdict:

THE VERDICT

As always, if you don't like our rating system you can go to hell.

--Stephen Shilling, Senior Video Game Correspondent, & Birdwatcher

Dying Light Day 2

Dying Light Day 2

Requiem for a Jimmy

How to begin to describe my second day in the carnage-filled merry-go-round that is Dying Light’s Mogadishu: I made some friends, fell in love, and once again ended up alone against an unbathed hippy drum circle…

Dying Light’s second day was much like the first, the denizens of Mogadishu proved unreceptive to my message. In fact, several of them tried to bite me, and I found that I had to take my protection to an extreme I’m not proud of.

I had to make the binding from hemp... God damned reefer madness.

While a knife attached to a large battery might seem brutal, electricity has proved a formidable tool against violent protestors (I learned from the best, LAPD). My day was filled with fending off the munchie-ridden addicts and running for my life. That was, until I met Jimmy. It was friendship at first sight. I saw him from across the rooftops, and he saw me. Unfortunately he didn’t see the reefer-heads sneaking up behind him, and our friendship came to a quick end. Jimmy was the best of us, and I will morn his loss for the rest of the time I spend playing this game (it’s been three hours, is it over yet?)

He looks so peaceful

Luckily, my despair was not to continue, as shortly after I lost Jimmy I was presented with what I can only assume is the game’s love interest. While it was clear that I was supposed to feel something for this woman, she sported dreadlocks, the traditional head garb of the reggae enthusiast. Reggae is a slippery slope that leads to drum circles…

One of such drum circles throughout the city. Can you guess what that green gas is? It's the MARY JANE!

I can tell you that breaking up that hazy celebration of apathy was eye-opening. Overall my second day with Dying Light has been an emotional roller coaster, and I have no doubt that it will continue to be that way. Now the sun sets and at least I can take comfort in that the reefer heads will likely be asleep. I think I’ll go out for a stroll this evening and post some pictures tomorrow!

Reefers don't like night time right?

--Stephen Shilling, Night Time is Safe Time Author, & Video Game Expert

Dying Light Review: Day 1

Dying Light Review: Day 1

What is this cat and why isn't it more important?

Mogadishu, the cityscape of Dying Light

The Pattison Chronicle has decided to step into new territory and expand its already exhaustive content. Today a zombie survival game Dying Light was released, but shady developers didn’t give enough time for it to be reviewed by professionals. Naturally, we here at The Pattison Chronicle thought it would be best for us to purchase the game, and do our best to review it haphazardly in a few days so that gamers can make an even more uninformed decision about buying the product. So enjoy…

Dying Light opens with a cinematic of some guy parachuting into what I can only assume to be a Middle Eastern country (it’s hot and there’s lots of hostiles). Immediately I assumed the game was about liberating said country from the forces of terror, but was quickly thrown a curveball when one of these guys showed up…

You know she didn't go to work today.... Burnouts...

Of course, I parachuted into a city just months after marijuana had been legalized (well played Techland). My mission was to coral these slow moving addicts and educate them on the perils of drug use. Unfortunately the drug addled beast was too much for me and I was quickly overtaken. Fortunately I was saved in the nick of time by a group of plucky renegades and taken back to meet their leader. The rebels maintained that a man called ‘The Boss’ ran their operation, but while searching the surrounding building for useful items (duct tape, alcohol, and metal parts) I came across this image.

Mr Whiskers, Savior of Mogadishu 

As of yet I'm not sure what this game is about, but I can be sure that this cat is going to be a major player in the hours to come... Playable cat-based DLC perhaps? One can only hope that it will be one of the many mediocre offerings that are presented for $15 shortly after the game’s initial release. Either way my initial hours with Dying Light have been a joy-filled romp through a post-apocalyptic look at what happens when states take the war on drugs into their own hands. It has served as a sobering warning to any states that wish to follow in Washington, Colorado, and Oregon’s paths…

As the sun sets I know my work here is not yet finished. How can I reach these kids?

More to come as I continue playing…



--Ashton Macaulay, Head of Video Game Division, Conspiracy Theory Author, and Questioner of Felines