April 12, 2015 THE NEATHER REALM
This weekend has been full of excitement; Game of Thrones is coming back, Daredevil premiered, and on a less important note, Hilary Clinton announced that she is going to be running for president (sarcasm, HILARY 2016). With the newly announced presidential candidate being thrust back into the limelight, wild rumors have already begun to circulate. While most of them have no truth (Hilary Clinton is most definitely not a lizard person, check our guide to be sure: http://thepattisonchronicle.blogspot.com/2015/01/5-signs-your-congressman-might-be.html), but one rumor in particular has been validated.
In a recent leak it has been revealed that Hilary Clinton will be the next to join an ever growing roster of characters for Tuesday’s release of Mortal Kombat X. While no one at Nether Realm Studios has confirmed the leak, screenshots have already been obtained showing the future president’s 3 fighting styles (screenshots not included because we’re tired, and Photoshop is hard): 1. Secretary of Smackdown, this fighting style is characterized by hard political ultimatums and death by a thousand paperwork cuts. 2. Brutality Bearskin Bill, this style sees Hilary combining forms with former president Bill Clinton and a Bear skin rug for animalistic attacks, and a no doubt skimpy costume. 3. Finally we have the Putin Payback, a style characterized by unquenchable rage, fueled mainly by the asinine acts of Vladimir Putin over the last year. It is speculated that this will be the most damage heavy style.
What do you, the readers think? I for one will be picking up a kopy of the game on release date for research (at least that’s what I tell my advisor). Got any cool artistic interpretations for the leaked skins? Send them to our submissions intern at email@example.com, and we’ll put them up on the blog!
--Ashton Macaulay, Servant of Kotal Kan, Player of Erran Black, Future Nether Realm Studios Employee? (please?)