April 12, 2015 THE NEATHER REALM
This weekend has been full of excitement; Game of Thrones is
coming back, Daredevil premiered, and on a less important note, Hilary Clinton
announced that she is going to be running for president (sarcasm, HILARY 2016).
With the newly announced presidential candidate being thrust back into the
limelight, wild rumors have already begun to circulate. While most of them have
no truth (Hilary Clinton is most definitely not a lizard person, check our
guide to be sure: http://thepattisonchronicle.blogspot.com/2015/01/5-signs-your-congressman-might-be.html),
but one rumor in particular has been validated. 
In a recent leak it has been revealed that Hilary Clinton
will be the next to join an ever growing roster of characters for Tuesday’s
release of Mortal Kombat X. While no one at Nether Realm Studios has confirmed
the leak, screenshots have already been obtained showing the future president’s
3 fighting styles (screenshots not included because we’re tired, and Photoshop
is hard): 1. Secretary of Smackdown, this fighting style is characterized by
hard political ultimatums and death by a thousand paperwork cuts. 2. Brutality
Bearskin Bill, this style sees Hilary combining forms with former president
Bill Clinton and a Bear skin rug for animalistic attacks, and a no doubt skimpy
costume. 3. Finally we have the Putin Payback, a style characterized by unquenchable
rage, fueled mainly by the asinine acts of Vladimir Putin over the last year.
It is speculated that this will be the most damage heavy style.
What do you, the readers think? I for one will be picking up
a kopy of the game on release date for research (at least that’s what I tell my
advisor). Got any cool artistic interpretations for the leaked skins? Send them
to our submissions intern at ashtondmacaulay@gmail.com,
and we’ll put them up on the blog!
--Ashton Macaulay, Servant of Kotal Kan, Player of Erran
Black, Future Nether Realm Studios Employee? (please?)
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