December 4th, 2014, LAS VEGAS, NV
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| A magician in the act... Disgusting |
Tensions
are high today in Las Vegas as a well-known magician is on trial in front of a
grand jury for misuse of leporidae (Commonly
known as ‘rabbits’ or ‘bunnies’, not to be confused with scantily clad women at
the Hefner mansion) in his acts. The magician is well known mind-bender/antichrist
David Copperfield. The rabbits with the
help of PETA (People for the Enigmatic Trickery Animals) have filed a lawsuit
against the magician in hopes of receiving some sort of recompense for their
years spent being molested by hats and magic wands. The rabbits are seeking
50,000 carrots (organic of course) as well as 5,000 bales of hay so that they
may live out the rest of their life in scratchy comfort.
When asked
for comment Mr. Copperfield said: “You’re not a real news agency, stop
following me.” As well as: “How did you get into my house? I’m calling the
police.” The magician, easily agitated was clearly stressed by the lawsuit and
would not provide us with any information. However we were able to attain an interview
with amateur street performer and part-time homeless person Reggie Steel.
MAC TURBINE, HOMELESS SHELTER
“So how has
the whole scandal affected your crowds?”
“You know
it’s hard to get food these days. The government and Obama are really putting a
squeeze on the old noodle, and the fucking rabbit priest David Copperfield
makes me want to—“ The rest is mostly unintelligible screaming.
“So you’re
saying that you saw Mr. Copperfield molesting the rabbits?”
“Absolutely,
now I need about five bucks for a sandwich or I’m going to pull your teeth out.”
“Fascinating.”
NEWS ROOM
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| A rabbit, trying to cope. |
I think it goes without saying that Mr. Copperfield will
have quite a bit to answer for in the coming weeks. Our thoughts and prayers go
out to the many rabbits that were hurt by Mr. Copperfield’s indecency. More on
this story as it develops.
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