Welcome to the second article for The Pattison Chronicle’s
Week for Helping Orca Rehabilitation Excellence (or WHORE for short, we fired
that intern, but the logo was made). In this segment we will focus on an
interview that was conducted in the field with a frequent “tap orca” user. The
content of this interview is graphic and may be unsuitable for some of our
younger readers (we have readers right?).
In downtown Seattle, there are over a hundred “tap orca”
stations in circulation, and the city is doing nothing about it. The police
turn a blind eye to this sordid industry, and most of the public is blissfully
unaware of its presence. An intern at the chronicle managed to land an
interview with a frequent “tap orca” user, through superior ambush journalism
techniques. The citizen declined to have her photo shown, but did consent to be
interviewed. As such, we will refer to her as Jane Gottleib of 1045 45th
street, Seattle, WA (Please someone go find this woman!).
“I find that they provide better companionship than humans. Despite their stature, they really are gentle lovers.” The gentle nature she is referring to is of course achieved through repeated injections of mind-numbing drugs by the Seattle Transit Authority. When confronted with the this fact Jane had the following to say: “I don’t see anything wrong with it. If they can tow ferries I don’t see why they can’t work in this industry.”
"I just swipe my card and head over to the waterfront. It's painess..." |
*The Pattison Chronicle is a subsidiary of Seaworld
International