March 9, 2015 APPLE HEADQUARTERS, COFFE SHOP?
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| "Imagine being able to tell the time, without looking at your phone." |
The announcement of Apple’s new smart watch has been mixed
reviews. The pricing models range from a couple hundred dollars all the way to
$10,000 (that part is actually true). The hefty price tags didn’t do much to
deter a veritable army of men with top knots, shoddily made wool hats, and
thick rimmed glasses who have already begun lining up around the blocks of
metropolitan business centers around the country. However, for those who can’t
afford this new item that is clearly a
necessity, Apple has an option for you!
Introducing the Apple iWatch Cheap…
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| "Sometimes old school is the best school." |
“This cheaper model of our already wildly successful iWatch
is a more efficient and slimmed down product. It is completely solar powered,
making charging a thing of the past.” While the iWatch C doesn’t have some of
the features (everything but the ability to tell time) of its more expensive
model, Apple CEO Tim Cook promises that customers will be satisfied.
The iWatch C has a hefty list of pre-orders and is likely to
sell out before it hits shelves this Wednesday. “I just really like the feel of
it; It’s so retro and minimalist.” Said one man wearing a sweatshirt with a
hand-knit bear on it, sipping a foamless, non-fat, free range, soy macchiato
from a local coffee chain that has since gone into foreclosure.
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| Lenon wants his glasses back dude. |
We here at The Pattison Chroncile would write more about
this, but we have to get in f***ing line!
--Ashton Macaulay, titles, titles, F*** it
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