January 11th 2016
For many Minnesota fans, Sunday’s game was a disappointment,
as their playoff hopes died with an ill-fated field goal attempt. Most were
quick to disown Blair Walsh and blame his inadequacy (until next year’s
pre-season), but some have speculated that there may have been another reason
for his missed attempt. Mainly, the blame has begun to fall on the vengeful
wrath of ancient Viking gods who have been offended by Minnesota’s mascot.
The Minnesota Vikings have used caricatures of Norse gods
for their mascot since the early 1960s, and it appears that it is finally
catching up with them. Professors of mythology from all over the globe have begun
to speculate that there might have been some divine interference during the
game. “If you look at the moment the kick veers off course, you can very
clearly see Thor’s hammer flying in from the west,” said Dr. Obfu Scate. He suspects
that the Norse gods finally grew tired of being a mockery and took matters into
their own hands.
Meteorologists have also been unable to explain the extreme
cold experienced during the game, which is unusual for Wisconsin’s normally
balmy climate. While some initially interpreted this as the gods being on
Minnesota’s side, it is clear now that it was the opposite.
The Seattle Seahawks were seen training with several
ornithologists for their next game, but have declined to acknowledge their fear
of potential mascot interference. More on this story after next week’s game.
--Ashton Macaulay, Junior Ornithologist, Football Spectator,
Television Set Combatant
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