It would appear that another republican candidate has
entered the ever growing field for the 2016 presidential race. On Friday
morning a male silverback gorilla named Bobo announced his campaign to a crowd
of zookeepers in Michigan. While his candidacy may come as a surprise to some,
the zookeepers had been expecting the political move for months, saying: “He’s
always been a self-starter with a keen eye for economic growth. If it weren’t
for him, we would have never developed our banana re-distribution program.”
Bobo referred to this as trickle down bananomics, a system in which the alpha
male gets all the bananas, and after he has had his share, allows the remains
to be distributed to the rest of the troop.
 |
| "Washington needs it's alpha." - Bobo the Gorilla |
Bobo the gorilla will be running on a platform of fiscal
conservatism, focusing on the fact that he is a Washington outsider, who has
never held public office. A spokesperson for Bobo’s campaign said that he is
attempting to distance himself from the rest of the field by providing a strong
option, without the spectacle that has become the norm. “His plan for the
economy is simple. A banana in every pocket makes the world go round. The
United States will invest heavily in banana plantations, and through the
process create renewable jobs, and sustainable agriculture.”
 |
| Bobo as a Washington Outsider |
Bobo has only been in the race for a short 3 hours, but
already he is polling at the top of the GOP field, pulling most of the
supporters from Donald Trump. Voters are claiming that he’s the answer to a
broken system, and that the only way to truly shift the mind of the elite is to
enact change. “It’s almost like he’s a different species of politician,” said a
man in a crowd of Bobo supporters at the Michigan zoo today. There is still no
word on how Bobo plans to hit the campaign trail, but we will keep you updated
as more information is released.
 |
| "A different species of politician." - Bobo Supporter |
We’ll have more on Bobo’s campaign as we get closer to the
2016 election. Until then, make sure you support his candidacy on social media
with #Bobo2016 #BananasForBobo.
The Pattison Chronicle on:
No comments:
Post a Comment